Taking Control
by RMNicki
Summary: When Ana leaves Christian; She feels her life is beginning to unravel before her eyes...So, she stoops to old habits that she acquired when she was a teen and allows her anorexia to take control of her life once again. How does Christian take it? Is Ana going to make it out alive? (Includes Non-consensual spanking, don't like, please don't read...) More chapters to come soon ;)
1. Trapped

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So, I promised myself I wouldn't write anymore stories until I finished my other two, but I simply couldn't resist for long! I failed. And yet, I'm perfectly fine with it!  
Anyways, so this story does contain non-consensual spanking of an adult (Ana by Christian), and so you have been warned and if you don't like that sort of thing…please, no one is forcing you to read it, and I would appreciate not receiving hateful reviews. That's all ;)**_

Disclaimer:  
I don't own any piece of The Fifty Shades Trilogy, nor will I ever, sadly…They belong rightfully to their owner, E.L James. However, **this**_** is my story and my writing and should not be used without my permission… thank you;)  
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Carla P.O.V (Ana's mom)

I felt that I was simply at a loss. Like there was nothing I could do, and…truth is…there wasn't. When Ana was 13, and I was married to my 2nd husband, Steve…something happened to her. I never really knew what it was, but that was when it all started it seemed. It was part of the reason I had left Steve. I didn't know if it was his fault, but it seemed the moment he moved in, Ana fell silent and became a wall flower. She was no longer my bright, happy girl…she was a shell of what she had been. And she was fading away, slipping right through my fingers. That was when her eating disorder had started. I hadn't noticed at first, she had begun to wear baggy clothing, but when her cheek bones became more and more visible and she was constantly hanging over my shoulder when it came to my cooking, I took notice.  
I had asked her repeatedly, but she always brushed it off and said she was stressed or that she was just getting into shape. I berated myself often for it, but I had let it go and had taken her excuses. But one day, I walked into the house, and had found her at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious. I had called for an ambulance immediately, but no matter what I did, I couldn't get any response out of her.

The doctors had said she weighed 97lbs, and that it was normal for a parent to be oblivious to the signs and/or in denial as to what was happening. The next news had broken my heart into a million pieces. They had done a complete physical while she was sedated…I had given them my consent, and although Ana would hate me when she woke up, I _had_ to know if someone had hurt her.  
And they _had._ Someone had raped my baby. And, she wouldn't tell me who.

She was back in Georgia with me now, after a painful break up with her boyfriend, Christian Grey. She wouldn't talk about it, but I knew she was hurting. And hurting a great deal. She had been avoiding me for about a month and a half, and when I invited her out to lunch when my suspicions had got the best of me…she had ever so hesitantly agreed.  
When I saw her, I cringed. She had lost about 20lbs, and probably weighed about 105 lbs. She wasn't a skeleton, but she was much skinnier, enough that it scared me. She had thought I didn't notice, but during the lunch, she hid some of the food and separated her food out on the plate, while sipping every once and a while at her diet coke. I had to do something. I had to. For her sake.

I knew that Christian Grey had taken care of her, I knew it by how he had come out to Georgia to see her last summer when she had visited. It had been about 3 months since they'd broken it off. That was when the idea hit me…Would he help now? It was a stretch, but I knew there wasn't much I could do about it now. Any time I broached the subject, she changed the subject or just like when she was younger…she brushed me off. I could hardly put her in another hospital. She would just check herself back out if she truly didn't want to be there. So, my second option?

Ana stood up and exited to the restroom to most likely do what I didn't want her to do the most,  
Purge. Empty her stomach of what little she'd eaten. I looked to her purse, knowing she would be gone for about 5 minutes. I rummaged through her purse, and tried to ignore the bile that rose in my throat when I saw the food she had hidden. I found her phone and opened it, and scrolled through her contacts until I found his number.

I copied it down on a napkin and shoved it into my purse, and replaced her purse as it had been. When she came out, I put on a neutral face, although I felt I was betraying her. When the lunch was over, I jumped at the opportunity to do something for my beloved daughter and dialed _his_ number.

Christian P.O.V

I ignored the number that popped up on my phone, figuring it was another reporter. I hadn't left my home much at all in the past few months except for on business. Which was my only real distraction. I turned away the submissive that Elena sent to me. To be honest, it sickened me to think of replacing Ana. I knew she had moved to Georgia, but for some reason, no matter what I did I couldn't get her out of my mind. I felt a void in my heart. And although I had promised myself I would never fall in love with one of the women I 'dated'…There was something about Ana that melted me and set myself at ease.  
My phone rang once more, and I snatched my phone out of my pocket,  
"Grey." I snapped.  
"Mr. Grey?" Came a weak voice, filled with sorrow, and seed of worry buried deep inside me for no reason at all,  
"This is Carla. Carla Steele, Ana's mother."  
I froze as a pang of pain thrust itself into my heart.  
"Yes. Mrs. Steel." I said, clearing my throat, "How can I help you."  
"I need your help. Ana needs your help." A small sob broke through the woman on the other end of the line, and it made me sick to my stomach with worry, what the hell had happened?  
"What's happened?" I asked in a pleading tone.  
When Carla had begun, I was at a loss for words. Then, it all fell together…Ana's resistance and fire when it came to eating. But, I never knew she had an eating disorder…or that she was a recovering survivor of a severe one that had plagued her in her teenage years.

"My God." I whispered.  
"She needs you Mr. Grey. Please…"  
"I'm on my way." I said.  
"Thank you. Thank you." She whispered.  
I ended the call, and practically ran to the car, without even waiting for Taylor, I took off to the airport, knowing Charlie Tango wouldn't be able to make the flight. I waited for hours until the next flight to Georgia began boarding.

It took 4 hours. 4 achingly long hours, before I met Carla at the airport. She gave me a rundown of Ana's current situation. I knew she felt guilty for it, but after that, we set up a plant where she would lead Ana to my hotel room and trap her there. Because, in her apartment, I would be at a disadvantage. And right now…that couldn't happen. Not when the scene was so fragile…I was going to do anything I could to help her. Anything I had too. Even if it meant taking her across my knee against her will. I wasn't going to let her waste away.

Ana P.O.V

I didn't understand why my mother was leading me into a hotel…she simply said that she was meeting a friend to discuss something for work…but why did I have to be here? I was paranoid and worried that she was hiding something from me. But I put my fears at ease by telling myself…this was a _hotel_. There was hardly anything she could do here. And besides, she didn't know that my eating disorder had taken over my life again. It broke my heart that it had consumed me again…but it was _control._ I liked it…I liked being able to have control over the pain I felt about…Christian. I was shaken from my thoughts when we arrived at the door. She knocked, and I didn't see who the person was because the moment the door was opened, my attention was back to her as she said,  
"I'm sorry Ana, but this is for your own good."  
I froze in fear, then looked to the person at the door.  
_No. No. NO_! My subconscious screamed, I took off to the side and down the hall, but I only made it about 10 feet before I felt strong, familiar arms wrap around my waist and pick me up off the ground.  
"No! Christian put me down!"  
"Hush." He said sternly but softly in my ear.  
My mother's face was stricken with sorrow, and my throat was tight with betrayal so I wasn't able to say anything as Christian carried me into his room. He sat me down then, shut the door, and dead bolted it, then chained it.  
I stood there, stunned, and nervous. I shot my emotions down to avoid the hurt.  
His eyes scanned my body and I squirmed,  
"What're you doing?" I whispered.  
He tilted his head to the side, "Your mother and I are staging an intervention and I suggest you do as I say." He put a finger up as I nearly interrupted him, "Or your mother and I are going to forcibly drag you to a 72 hour hold clinic."  
"You wouldn't dare." I murmured, not so sure of myself anymore.  
"I would."  
He stepped forward, and I took a step back, he narrowed his eyes at me and again I fidgeted beneath his gaze.  
"Take your clothes off, Ana."  
I stilled, "No." I squeaked,  
He stepped forward and I felt my back hit a wall. How had I gotten all the way across the room!?  
Suddenly, he was about a foot from me, and I held my breath.  
"_Now._ Anastasia, or _I_ will strip you naked," He threatened, then he said in softer tone, "You're not getting a choice in this…even if I have to spank you."  
"You-you can't do this." I whispered, in shock.  
"I can, and I will. Ana, you're mother and I care about you and this is why this is happening."  
He stepped forward and reached for the draw-string of my sweatpants. In a last second hope, I took off around him, ignoring his earlier warning, and made a run for it.  
Again, I let out a small scream as he caught me.  
This time he didn't speak as he sat on the bed, and positioned me across his knee. The fact that I was fighting him didn't faze him what so ever as he placed his other leg over mine and pulled my arms behind my back.  
"NOO!" I cried.  
"Hush." He ordered, "There's no one to hear you, Ana."  
"No, no Christian, please! Don't spank me!"  
"You haven't given me a choice Anastasia. And, I need you to know. This has nothing to do with my sexual gratification. I do this because I care about you."  
"Nooo!" I sobbed, he reached under me and untied the drawstring of my sweatpants. Before stripping them downwards.  
I kicked and struggled adamantly, earning myself a firm warning,  
_SWAT. SWAT. SWAT.  
_"Ow!" I yowled.  
"Stop fighting me." He said.  
He patted my bottom twice then began.  
I thought I would be able to handle the spanking considering he'd given me a spanking bare with his hand before, and I had been able to bare it. And… compared to the belt, I was sure it couldn't be that bad.

I was shocked by how much pain his hand could cause me. Punishment was much different when he wasn't getting any sexual benefit out of it. Instead of the smacks that came every few seconds after he'd rubbed the sting out…this was non-stop. Three swats to one area, then to another, until my ass felt like it was on fire. But I refused to give him any response. I felt like it was defeat, and I wasn't willing to give him that.

He had a strong hold on me and my movement was thoroughly restricted. Which meant, every time his palm landed across my sore bottom…it was exactly where it would hurt the most. He had practice, and he was experienced. And _God,_ it _hurt._

He sighed, sending my stubbornness.  
"You're fighting me Ana."  
"Screw you." I whispered, although tears were running down my cheeks. I felt him tense in anger, my disrespect getting to him.  
"Alright." He said, then the next thing I knew, my panties were slipping down my legs, a small sob shook my body. Then I felt cool wood against my stinging, well-punished behind.  
_Nooo…  
_I looked back over my shoulder and saw a wooden brush in his hand. I hadn't noticed he'd had it sitting on the bed next to him. Hadn't mad bottom suffered enough!? He'd been spanking me for about 3 and half minutes with that strong hand of his.

"I'm sorry Ana." He said, and I was shocked by the sincerity in his voice.  
_WHACK_  
"Ah!" I cried, "No! Please, noo! I'm sorry!"  
"It's too late for that Ana." He said softly.  
_WHACK  
_Another painful swat. The pain was intense and I was sure I wouldn't be sitting for a long time. Because now…his swats landed across the backs of my thighs and the sensitive under-curve of my bottom that had already suffered his wrath.  
"Aaaah!" I cried, and he paused as sobs shook my body.  
"Tell me why you're doing this Ana." He said, when I didn't answer, he swatted me, and I cried out once more.  
"B-be-because…it- I mi-ssed you…and it's-it's the control!"  
"Control?" He asked, puzzled.  
"Yes!" I cried. "I felt like everything was falling apart around me…and it gave me something to distract me. Something that _was_ in my control!"  
"Well, it's not anymore." He said. I tensed,  
"What do you mean?" I whispered.  
"You're not getting rid of me, Ana. You're not my submissive, but I _will not_ stand back and watch you starve yourself.  
My stomach fluttered against my will due to his caring.  
"No. No, this is _mine._ _I_ get to control what goes in and out of my body, and I can starve myself if I want." I said, against better judgment. And…it earned me ten sharp swats, and once more I was in tears over his knee,  
"You are practically _begging_ for another spanking Ana. Is that what you want? For me to spank you for the next 10 minutes? Because believe me, Ana, when I say this; If that's what it takes to keep you safe then so be it." He said, his hand running over my bottom and the backs of my thighs in a warning but comforting gesture.  
"No…" I whispered.  
"No what?"  
"No…I don't want you to spank me again." I whispered, feeling like a child.  
"Good." He said, "Prove it." He patted my bottom, and helped me up. He let me pull up my panties, and even that thin fabric increased the fire in my backside and I whimpered. He looked at me in sympathy, and when I reached for my sweatpants he stopped me.  
"No." He said.  
He took my arm in his hand, and I was confused as he led me to the corner of the room. He faced me towards it and a certain dread filled me.  
"Stay right here. Don't move, Anastasia."  
"I'm not a child." I whispered, looking over to him. He took my chin in his fingers and tilted my head back,  
"I am well aware of that." He said.  
"Now." He said, facing my face back towards the corner. "Don't move."  
"And if I do?" I asked.  
He put his hand to my bottom and squeezed slightly causing me to step to my tip toes,  
"Ow." I gasped,  
"If you move, I'll have you sit in the desk chair for the next 10 minutes."  
The idea of sitting made me cringe.  
"Okay." I whispered, and he rubbed my back soothingly, then backed off.  
I stood there for about 10 minutes, rubbing at my sore bottom. What had I done? Letting E.D take over my life again. The idea of how hurt my mother was, broke my heart, and I began to cry. When my cries became sobs I felt arms wrap around my waist, and he cradled me in his arms, before laying me on the bed, curling me into his body, he pulled the blankets over us.  
"Sssh." He hushed me stroking my back. He reached over to the nightstand, and when he reached back to me, I gasped as his hand touched my sore bottom.  
I tried to wriggle away from it, and closer to him.  
"Stop." He rebuked my softly, "Stay where you are."  
My breathing was labored slightly as he rubbed a cream into my bottom. It stung like hell at first, but then it became cooler and I relaxed into his arms, suddenly exhausted.  
"My mother…" I murmured sleepily.  
"I know." He said softly, "I texted her."  
I nodded, and anxiety crept through me…  
"I'm scared, Christian…" I whispered.  
"I know baby, I know. We're going to get through this. I'm never letting you go again. I promise."  
I hadn't said I would take him back, but in my heart….I had never let him go.  
"I love you…" I whisper.  
His arms tightened and I knew he was scared. Then, he shocked me, completely,  
"I love you too, Ana." Then he kissed my head.  
"Sleep." He ordered. "You have a long day tomorrow."  
I cringed, "What do you mean?"  
"3 meals. Protein drinks in between. Each meal you skip will be a minute of spanking at the end of the night."  
I whimpered, "You can't be serious…"  
"I am." He replied, "I'm not taking chances with this."  
I groaned, not sure how the next few days were going to go…and my bottom tingled at the thought of his threat…

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Oh…and uh…I posted this on a whim, and didn't edit…sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes ;)


	2. Rebellion

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Quick Author's Note: Please Do Read…  
Hey guys, so I just wanted to say again, please do keep in mind that this is a spanking story. Christian's character isn't overly domineering in the way he seemed in some of the books, but he does take a semi-dominant position in this story. **

**And, I just wanted to put it out there, the amount of follows and favorites I got for this first chapter blew my mind and I wanted to thank all of you that contributed…so, I figured as thanks, I would update a little earlier…  
Here you go, hope you enjoy. ;)  
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_ First Chapter Review:  
His arms tightened and I knew he was scared. Then, he shocked me, completely,_

_"I love you too, Ana." Then he kissed my head._

_"Sleep." He ordered. "You have a long day tomorrow."_

_I cringed, "What do you mean?"_

_"3 meals. Protein drinks in between. Each meal you skip will be a minute of spanking at the end of the night."_

_I whimpered, "You can't be serious…"_

_"I am." He replied, "I'm not taking chances with this."_

_I groaned, not sure how the next few days were going to go…and my bottom tingled at the thought of his threat…  
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I slept in his arms all night that night. Well, sort of. I didn't sleep very well at all anymore. I considered it a success when I got 3-4 hours of sleep a night. But none-the-less, I'd relished being in his arms. I scanned our break up over and over in my mind and part of me felt that I was crazy for debating to take him back. But, I knew deep down…I needed help. _His _help. Then again, I didn't _want_ help.  
I hated this.  
I hated this feeling. I liked the control, but I hated feeling threatened, but I liked being cared for.  
It was all so conflicting and terrifying. And, I had a feeling…even if I pushed Christian away now, I most likely would not be rid of him. I didn't want to be rid of him.  
So, I decided on a whim…I had to give this a chance. If not for me; for him. I knew how much he was hurting…And the way he took care of me last night... He didn't push my limits, and I don't think he _enjoyed_ punishing me, the way I thought he would. I had to see where this took us…if anywhere.

**Carla P.O.V**

I felt guilt all night about having led my daughter into that trap. I had tried everything from confronting her to threatening her. And, nothing seemed to get through. I knew she was hurting, and it broke my heart…I was her _mother_ for gods' sake. And, as a mother I was supposed to be able to ease her pains and fears and I _couldn't_.  
I had called Ray and let him know what was going on. He couldn't make it to Georgia in such little notice, but he did promise to keep in touch and if things got any worse, that he would make an emergency trip.

I worried about Ana for that first hour, and I dove for my phone the second it vibrated. It was a text from Christian.  
_Mrs. Steele,  
I think I've reached her. She's impressionable right now, which is all we can ask for. I'm going to do everything I can for your daughter Mrs. Steele, which I promise.  
She's with me now, I wanted to let you know.  
-Christian Grey_

I sagged in relief into a nearby chair and sent another prayer up to God that Christian would be able to save my daughter, of course I would be there for her, no question about it. But, right now, he was my only hope.

I felt guilty to admit… but I had a pretty good idea of how Christian was going to handle this situation. And, the proof sat in front of me now. Ana was with me for lunch. It was only two days ago that I had trapped her in the room with Christian. She had been hurt at first by my 'betrayal.' But, had seemingly got over it, knowing that I only wanted to help her. She was sitting across from me, and squirmed in her seat whenever she thought I wasn't watching. I felt bad that I had subjected to her to what I would describe as 'punishment,' but…it _worked_ with Ana. She was eating right now. Well, as far as I knew…

Ana P.O.V  
My mother seemed oblivious as we ate out at a Mexican restaurant. Although it had been two nights ago…my behind still _hurt._ I was sore, and as much as I hated to admit it, I had a feeling Carla knew what had happened between Christian and I.  
I had even gotten a bedtime 'reminder' last night when Christian had found some food I'd hidden in my purse when he'd…humiliatingly, searched me.  
I swallowed as I recounted the events in my head…  
~Flashback in Ana's P.O.V~  
"Strip." Christian ordered softly, I groaned but he remained adamant, and I slowly stripped down to my bra and panties.  
_Shit, shit, shit!_ I panicked as I realized…I had hidden fries in my bra earlier today. I knew it was gross, but I was desperate, god dammit! Then, the protein drinks, I think I was safe there…I had hidden them in my purse. He eyed me carefully and I squirmed beneath his gaze, he stepped forward quickly and before I knew what was happening, he'd stripped my panties downward.  
_Please leave my bra on, please leave my bra on. _ I chanted to myself inside me head.  
But…he didn't. I saw his gaze darken in anger when he saw the food. Then, he sighed.  
"Guess, we'll be doing a bedtime reminder tonight." He said in a voice that made my behind tingle.  
_Oh no…_  
He met my eyes,  
"3 minutes." He said.  
"_What!?"_ I gasped, "But you said 1 minute for each thing!"  
"Are you going to try and tell me that the protein drinks I found in your purse earlier weren't the ones I gave to you throughout the day?"  
I swallowed and didn't answer, and tried to distract him,  
"You went through my purse?"  
"Yes." He answered bluntly, "I saw you put it in there, Ana. You're procrastinating."  
I didn't answer, knowing he was right.  
"That's what I thought." He said, "Now come here."  
He took my wrist, and pulled me towards the bed, I pulled back,  
"Christian, no…" I whispered, sounding like a petulant child.  
"Don't argue with me, Ana." He warned.  
"Me? Argue?" I asked innocently. "It's never my fault."  
He chuckled, "You and your smart mouth are going to get you in trouble." He said and swatted me, making me squirm. But, I knew by the way he spoke that he wasn't serious.  
He sat on the bed, and pulled me in-between his knees and the room took on a serious air to it. He reached for the button of my jeans, and unbuttoned them. I put my hands over his, pausing his motions. He sighed, "Move your hands, Ana."  
There was no mistaking the threat in his voice,  
"Please, can't you do it over my jeans?" I pleaded. He looked up and met my eyes,  
"Maybe sometime in the future when you stop resisting me so much. Right now, you're lucky I don't do it over your bare bottom."  
I didn't push him…knowing that…well, he was right… and that if I did, I _would_ be getting it bare.

~Christian's P.O.V~

Ana attempted to negotiate with me about spanking her over her panties. I knew she was afraid of punishments, which sobered me when she actually was across my knee  
. I was slightly thankful for it, because this way…there was no question about whether or not, I was enjoying it, and…I wasn't which of course, was a first. Honestly though, there really was nothing enjoyable about the situation, especially about the way that Ana's life was in danger. So, when she'd began to plead with me, I had said no. I was worried about possibly not getting through to her. I had told her that maybe sometime in the future I would spank her over whatever bottoms she was wearing. But at this time and in what was happening…She was indeed lucky that I wasn't spanking her bare bottom…unless she earned it during the duration of the spanking.

I _was_ angry with her. Over what she was doing to her body; to _herself._ We had talked about it last night, and I had gotten rid of some of her fears and resistance when it came to my taking care of her with this. And, she had admitted that she needed me, which had warmed me in away almost nothing else did. And, although I was resistant to loving. Ana had a special spot in my heart. I cared for her much more than I had for any of the other girls.  
I shook away the thoughts and removed her hands from their position and put them at her sides. When she went to put them back where they were, I turned her to the side and landed a warning swat across her bottom, hard enough to make her squeal. But, it got my point across and she didn't fight me anymore as I undid them and pulled down on them causing them to fall from her taunting hips.  
I led her across my knee without allowing her to think about it.  
She buried her face in my pant leg, as I pulled her left arm behind her back. I tipped her forward slightly, getting a better look at her still sore bottom, and I knew this was going to be painful for her, especially considering she was getting it over a spanking that had occurred only last night.  
"Are you ready?" I asked.  
"Noooo." She groaned, and I chuckled, then said in a more serious tone, "Just remember Ana, please, I…don't enjoy this."  
She bit my leg, and I gave her a playful swat, but not hard enough to cause her any pain.  
"I know." She whispered, shocking me.  
I sighed, "Alright."  
I pat her bottom twice, then gave her a sharp smack. I had a firm grip on her and was prepared for the jolt of surprise and pain that I had been expecting from her.  
"Fuck!" She cried, shocked, having not expected the pain to be as intense as I knew it was. I smacked her again, adding a little more force.  
"Ow!" She squeaked.  
"Watch your mouth." I warned.  
Then I began, I had caught on to a rhythm, smacking her squirming bottom in the same place 3 times before moving to the next as I reignited the former fire in her bottom.  
I watched the clock and after about two minutes her punished skin was beginning to take on a deeper rosy blush then the color it had been last night. She had refused to make a noise so far, which angered me, because I knew that it was an act of rebellion. I didn't say a word as I tipped her forward and aimed more towards the backs of her thighs and the sensitive skin where her thighs met the curve of her bottom.  
"Ooow!" She cried, covering her bottom with her legs. I stopped, and moved her forward more, and crossed my other knee over hers, before resuming her punishment.  
She began to cry in earnest, "Pleeeaaasse Christian! I'm sorry!" She cried. According to the clock, she had thirty seconds left, and I wasn't going to let her out of the position she had put herself in. I continued to spank her vulnerable bottom, and she began to struggle anew which was somewhat expected.  
"You're almost done, Anastasia." I said gently, and for the last 10 seconds I sped up the smacks and put more force behind them.  
"_Aah!" _She cried, and a sob broke through her body. I stopped as the clock clicked to the next minute. Her breathing was labored and she was trying to calm her sobs. I rubbed her bottom and whispered soothing things to her, and after about a minute she began to calm.  
"Are you alright?" I asked softly.  
"No!" She said sounding exhausted, "That hurt like hell!"  
"Maybe you won't do it next time, then." I said, but she didn't reply. That would come in time. I took a deep breath, and nearly made the decision to weigh her, then banished the idea and decided to do it tomorrow allowing her some time to recover. I helped her up and cradled her in my arms, before carrying her over to the bed and situating her beneath the covers. I got some lotion and advil and coaxed her into letting me take care of her. Afterwards, I undressed down to boxers and pulled her into my arms, her back pressed to my chest. Then, I kissed her neck.  
"It's going to be alright Ana, we're going to be alright."

**~*~*~  
Hey guys, so I hoped you liked this chapter, and I hope you review/rate etc. Thank you for reading! (;  
-RMNicki-  
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	3. Important

**Author's Note: Important. Very important, Please read.**

Okay, so I've been getting a few reviews and PMs about how this story is not 'sexy' or how it's wrong. And... I just wanted a chance to explain myself. This story isn't meant to be sexy, it's meant to show a side of Christian and Ana that wasn't seen in the book, for those who wanted that sort of course of action. And yes, I know Ana's eating disorder is a form or sickness. I deal with an eating disorder, and major depressive disorder every day; although I have been through treatment and am in recovery. (That's not to sound self-pitiful, just honest. I don't need pity...) But, in the summary it does warn that there _is_  
non-consensual spanking. And, I would appreciate it if those who don't approve or dislike that kind of thing don't...read this story. If it makes you uncomfortable, maybe it just isn't for you. I tried to make it understandable, but in this story Christian's character is of a protective and caring nature and Ana is a young woman whom feels out of control in her life due to a loss of someone she cares dearly about.  
Christian is there to, yes, control her life at various times and help her to get back on track, because she feels she doesn't feel the control to be able to accomplish it herself. This _is_ a story that contains minor BDSM, none of the suspension and creepy stuff, because that makes _me_ uncomfortable. But, please...respect the fact that I did warn that there is spanking and a dominating feature that plays into the story. I hope that this note didn't seem offensive to anyone, I just felt it was fair to put it out there. However, I did get a recommendation to make this story Rated: M, and I'll respect that, and make it so. Thank you for reading,  
-RMNicki-


	4. How Different?

**~*~*~  
Review of Last Chapter, (Christian P.O.V):  
"Aah!" She cried, and a sob broke through her body. I stopped as the clock clicked to the next minute. Her breathing was labored and she was trying to calm her sobs. I rubbed her bottom and whispered soothing things to her, and after about a minute she began to calm.**

**"Are you alright?" I asked softly.**

**"No!" She said sounding exhausted, "That hurt like hell!"**

**"Maybe you won't do it next time, then." I said, but she didn't reply. That would come in time. I took a deep breath, and nearly made the decision to weigh her, then banished the idea and decided to do it tomorrow allowing her some time to recover. I helped her up and cradled her in my arms, before carrying her over to the bed and situating her beneath the covers. I got some lotion and advil and coaxed her into letting me take care of her. Afterwards, I undressed down to boxers and pulled her into my arms, her back pressed to my chest. Then, I kissed her neck.**

**"It's going to be alright Ana, we're going to be alright."  
~*~*~**

Ana P.O.V

I woke at about 2 in the morning. I seemed to sleep longer whenever I was in Christian's arms. But, it was still never the amount a normal human being slept. I squirmed my way out of Christian's arms, luckily without waking him, and walked to the restroom. It hardly ever really did me any good considering I didn't eat enough, but recently I'd been getting sick because of the sudden intake of food. My body was used to it at all.  
Of course, the meal sizes Christian gave me weren't too overbearing…well, kind of… any amount of food felt over-whelming to me, but compared to what normal people ate it was little. And, Christian wasn't about to let me skip meals…in fact, when I did, I got my bottom tanned…  
I walked into the restroom, then before walking out, did what I couldn't help but to do.  
Looked in the mirror.  
I looked at myself in every angle, whether it was sideways, forwards, backwards, hell if I could have done it safely, I probably would have attempted upside down.  
But, none of the versions of me reflecting back at me, pleased me. At all. I was getting fatter. So much fatter. I felt like I had gained 100lbs. overnight. Well, over _two _nights. I balled my hands into fists.  
_I'm getting so fat.  
It's like drowning; being suffocated.  
Every half pound is yet another failure.  
Why did you fuck this up and let them find out?  
God, you're so fucking stupid.  
Why not just die?  
_Tears filled my eyes and flooded over, as I slipped to the floor. I pulled my knees to my chest, and wrapped my arms around them.  
_Please…please…just make it stop. Make it __**end.**__I don't want to hurt like this anymore. _  
I loved Christian and my mom, of course! But, I knew how much I was hurting them, how much every step I took hurt them. They were stressed and upset, and it was all my _goddamn fault!_  
I looked up and grabbed toilet paper from a nearby roll and attempted to clean my face. Then every part of me tensed as I caught a glimpse of something underneath the bathroom counter. I stood, almost as if in a trance and walked over to it. And it was exactly what I had feared, craved, anticipated and hoped for all in one. A weight scale. I thought I heard something creak in the room and I listened for a moment and confirmed to myself that Christian was still asleep. I took a deep breath, and stood. Taking a deep breath, I proceeded to pull the scale out from under the counter.  
I felt a small pull that told me I shouldn't do this. Christian wouldn't be happy.  
_But that's only if he finds out…_ Came that voice in my head that had been my closest friend up through my teenage years, I had named her Annie.  
(**I felt Ana and Ed were too often used, not to mention Ana is actually her name…)  
** I nodded, but what if he does find out?  
_Be smart here. He's __**asleep.**_**  
**I wanted this, no I _needed_ this. I debated whether or not I should strip down, but figured that it would take too much time. I didn't want to risk it, besides I was only wearing a camisole and panties. I stepped onto the scale and everything seemed to be in slow motion as I watched the numbers climb.  
My breathing came quicker and quicker and I didn't hear the door open and someone enter behind me.  
I covered my mouth as nausea and self-hatred curled in my stomach as the numbers reach triple digits.  
_Smack! _  
"Ow!" I gasped, as a very familiar hand smacked my sore behind, distracting me as he pulled me from my spot on the scale. I felt his hand gripping my upper arm as he led me back into the bedroom.  
"Christian…" I whispered.  
He was angry I could see that much, "I have half a mind to spank the living shit out of you." He said, stonily.  
I blanched, but took a deep, shaky breath, "I don't deserve it."  
"Don't deserve it?" He asked incredulously. "I could see your face while you were up there, Ana! I can see what you're doing to yourself! You're slowly killing yourself, and it ends _here!"_ He said, eerily quiet, taking a step towards me.  
"I can't just _stop_ Christian! You don't understand!" I cried, finally hitting my breaking point. "I can't-I can't. I _need _it, you don't understand, you don't understand!...I-I don't want to be spanked."  
He eyed me carefully for a few minutes, then sighed,  
"You don't deserve to be spanked." He stated, exhaustedly. I stilled, _what?_  
"You're right Ana." He murmured, and something about his voice, made it so I couldn't breathe. Was he leaving me?  
"I don't know what to do." He whispered.  
"Maybe you shouldn't have come back out here." I whispered, finishing his thoughts for him. His head flashed up and suddenly he was standing again, and my chin was between his fingers, which were holding my line of sight in his.  
"Don't say that Ana." He whispered. "I don't regret coming out here _at all._"  
It hurt like hell, but I suddenly saw a chance. I didn't want to hurt him, I wanted him here with me, but if I didn't do this now, I _was_ hurting him, long term.  
It was a clean break.  
"I wish you hadn't." I whispered, "I want you to leave, Christian," I tore my face away from his fingers.  
"You don't mean that." He whispered, miserably.  
"I do." I whispered, "I don't want you here."  
There was silence for a few seconds as I stepped away from him. Each step felt like miles.  
I turned away from him,  
"Why?" He asked, and I froze.  
_Why, why, why, why, why?  
_I racked my brain for a reason.  
"Is it because I punish you? Are you afraid of me?" He asked, this time I couldn't fight the urge, I spun.  
"No…Christian. It isn't that." Tears slipped down my cheeks against my will, "I'm _hurting _you! Can't you see that!? You _and_ my mother! You'd both be better off if I was dead!"  
He closed the space between us, and the next thing I knew, I was thrust against the wall, my hands pinned on either side of my head.  
Then his lips were at my ear,  
"_Never. Ever._ Say that about yourself again. Do you understand me?" He asked fiercely._  
_"It's true Christian." I whispered blankly. He let go of one of my hands and pinned them both above my head in one of his. He reached behind me and squeezed my behind and I gasped and stepped to my tip-toes.  
"Ow…" I protested.  
He let me go, "It's not." He said with such vehemence, that it shook me to my core, I crumbled and he caught me and pulled me into his arms, and I sobbed into his chest. It seemed like hours passed before my sobs quieted to hiccups. And throughout the entire time, he had just held me and whispered soothing things in my ear.  
I took a deep breath, "Do you love her?" I whispered.  
His brows furrowed in confusion and I realized how random that question was and I suddenly wished I could take it back.  
(**Did, Ana know about Elena at the beginning of 50 Shades Darker?)**  
"Who, Ana?" He asked, wearily.  
I shook my head, wanting to take it back, whole-heartedly.  
"Anastasia." He warned in that voice that made chills run up my spine.  
"Elena." I whispered. He froze.  
"No." He growled after a few seconds.  
"Do you want a life-style like she leads? The Dom-Sub thing?"  
He sighed, seemingly pained and suddenly it felt as if he had aged 20 years, "I'll always have a liking for it Ana, but I don't need it like I used to. Losing you…it opened doors for me, I didn't know existed."  
I stayed silent and he took my chin in his fingers again, tipping my head back so I met his eyes,  
"What are you thinking?"  
"I- Is that how we're living now?"  
"No." He answered, assuredly. "The Dom-Sub lifestyle is quite a bit more…severe."  
"But…it has the same principles…"  
"Why do you say that?" He whispered.  
"Elena, Elena she…When you acted out or did something wrong when you were younger; what did she do?"  
He cringed, "She would beat me."  
I reached forward and took his hand in mine, "Then what?"  
He looked down and met my eyes, his expression confused and vulnerable.  
"Where are you going with this?" He questioned.  
"Please just…answer." I replied.  
He sighed and closed his eyes, "She would fuck me."  
There was a few seconds of silence.  
Then, his eyes snapped open suddenly, seeming to catch on to what I was thinking,  
"That is _not_ what we are."  
"What are we then?" I whispered, "When I act out, you spank me. Then, afterwards…you comfort me."  
I bit my lip, nearly drawing blood. This could very well be the end of us, depending on what he said next. He reached forward and freed my lip from my assaulting teeth.  
"Don't do that." He scolded gently.  
I nearly spoke but he put his index finger to my lips,  
"Our relationship isn't what I had with Elena. Ana, please…I thought you knew…When I spank you, if you _ever_ truly think you don't deserve it, tell me and I won't. We are equals and I will never again treat you as if you are an object. Secondly, we don't _fuck_, we make love. I comfort you because I love you and you're hurting right now. I only spank you when you endanger yourself. Elena would beat me whenever I made any minor infraction or displeased her in any way…" His voice had trailed off towards the end.  
He looked up at me, he hadn't met my eyes when he said his small speech, and when he did he saw the tears running down my cheeks.  
"Ana, oh god Ana, did I say something wrong?" He asked.  
"No." I whispered, and smiled. "When you were talking you always said you spanked me. Elena beat you. You said we _made love._ Elena fucked you."  
He swallowed and nodded, "I meant it."  
"You said everything right." I whispered. "I don't want us to change."  
And I realized, I was saying the truth. I needed him. I needed him for who he was. He wrapped his arms around my waist and picked me up from the ground where we had knelt by the door.  
"How about, I prove to you how different our sexual relationship is from what Elena and I's was…"  
I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck as he cradled me in his arms and carried me to the bed.  
He smiled and set me on my feet, pulling me close.  
He pat my sore bottom, making me squirm,  
"We'll have to be careful of this though."  
I blushed furiously, and he laughed,  
"You're a jerk." I whispered, smiling.  
"Oh you want to play it that way?" He asked, playfully, and reaching into the desk drawer without allowing me to see what he was getting.  
He then, held my arms behind my back, and suddenly I felt the cool metal of handcuffs being secured around my wrists.  
My breathing quickened,  
_Oh God._

**~*~*~*~  
So, first off I wanted to give credit to:  
****loves4paws: she/he gave me the idea to go in and explain the differences between Elena/Christian, and Christian and Ana's current situation!****  
I would also like to give credit to:  
****GreyEnterprisesInc: Thank you for the helpful advice to have the more…loving Christian make an appearance!  
****See, what reviewing and inboxing gets you?! (;  
Aaanyways, more to come my readers, and my…utterly surprising # of followers. 107 followers, 30 favorites?! Geezus, when I saw that I nearly died of happiness. (; Thanks for reading guys. Please review, I love to hear your thoughts and advice for future chapters! Laters, baby!  
Ahahaha, see what I did there? ^^^**


	5. Guilt, Self Image, and Lies

Author's Note:  
Sorry that took me so long guys! Hope you forgive me, enjoy!

~*~*~  
Review of Last Chapter:  
He pat my sore bottom, making me squirm,  
"We'll have to be careful of this though."  
I blushed furiously, and he laughed,  
"You're a jerk." I whispered, smiling.  
"Oh you want to play it that way?" He asked, playfully, and reaching into the desk drawer without allowing me to see what he was getting.  
He then, held my arms behind my back, and suddenly I felt the cool metal of handcuffs being secured around my wrists.  
My breathing quickened,  
_Oh God.  
~*~*~__  
_

_May 15__th__, 2012  
Dear Journal,_

_ I've been living with Christian out here for about three weeks. I used to write in a journal almost every day when I was a teenager, but I stopped when my eating disorder had faded into my past… but more recently I've been feeling horrible for lying to Christian, and there was no one I could spill the guilt to that would keep my secret so I bought another journal. But, as true as that is, I don't regret doing what I'm doing to stay alive. Because…that's what I'm doing. I need how I eat to stay alive. Christian watches me carefully when I eat, but it's no longer a problem for me. I purge to cleanse my body of the offending food, and I keep a food journal. Although I much prefer skipping meals…I'm desperate, and this is enough. I also have joined a support group out in the city…well, kind of. Every other day, Taylor drives me out there, or I drive myself, but I don't attend the meetings._

_Once Christian and Taylor are out of sight, I change out of the clothes I go in and into my work out clothes. I run the four miles to the park nearby and follow the path into the woods where I am able to finish my work out with out others staring at me, then I run the four miles back to the facility in time to get picked up by Christian. I'm pretty close to a professional when it comes to avoiding the times when Christian plans to weigh me, that or I plant an extra pound or two on myself by having something in my pockets…and although I disagree with it completely…Some people would probably call it manipulation. I don't necessarily want to do it, but it's a need. It's becoming harder to avoid sleeping with Christian, however. He's patient and doesn't push anything of course. It's _me_ that wants _him. _But, if I were to give into what I want…it wouldn't take him more than a second to notice my weight-loss.  
I've lost 5lbs. I'm back to 97lbs, and dropping…_

_**Thank you, God.**_

_The only reason I know is because, over at the park there is a gym that I sneak into, and inside the bathroom they have weight scales. Christian seems satisfied with the amounts I am eating, and it always makes me sick to my stomach now that I am actually eating it, but it's easier now with my arrangement…  
I haven't been spanked by Christian in about a week and a half, and I am elated at the fact that I am getting away with it…and I use that feeling to try to soothe the raging guilt I feel over 'pulling the wool over his eyes.' I have a shiver running up my spine right now as I think about how bad my punishment will be if Christian finds out about all of this. But, I cross my fingers and hope for the best.  
For now, though, I need to go, I have another 'group' to get too. _

_~ Ana_

I sit in the car with Christian, and stare out the window still deep in thought, when Christian reaches over and pulls down on my pony tail, I blink and look over to him,  
"I've been calling your name for a few minutes now, Ana, are you alright?" He asked.  
"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." I whispered, "I'm just tired is all."  
He nods, looking concerned, and I unbuckle my seatbelt, before laying across the seat, and resting my head in his lap. He runs his fingers through my hair,  
"Are you sure?" He asked.  
"Yeah. I'm fine." I said, turning and smiling up at him, he laughs.  
"Alright."  
The car stops and I sigh, and stand up to exit, when he pulls me back and presses a kiss to my lips. I kiss him back, eagerly, and he swats me as I climb out.

Again, I watch until they are out of sight, then grab my work out clothes out of my purse and head to a bathroom to change.

**Christian P.O.V **

I watch as Ana crawls out of the car. Something is off about her, and I've been telling myself that it's just that she's a little off her game because she's been eating recently. But, I know I'm only fooling myself. She'd lost weight, I can see it. She doesn't know that I can, but I do, I know her body better than anyone else. She brushes it off anytime I ask her about it and I know that I'm not going to get anything out of her. Once Taylor drops me off at the hotel, I decide on a whim to find out what is going on once and for all because my Ana is wasting away right in front of me, and I can't just stand back and watch. I head to the hotel, and stand in the foyer for a few seconds.

_Where to start? _  
I search the bedroom first, but nothing turns up, I don't find any hidden food or anything, which only confuses me further. So, to get a little more insight, I call Carla.  
That's when I get another piece of information. I'm slightly angry with myself for not thinking about it in the first place. I go to the bathroom and search it next. I know Ana is smart, so I skip passed looking through the drawers and instead think about other places, I look behind the toilet and all the corners, under the towels, etc. But, find nothing, then, I come up with the idea, to slide my hand under the sink, and there inside one of the ridges constructing it, I find a small package of mouth wash, mints, and a small note-pad. I flip open the note-pad afraid of what I'll find and find an extremely detailed list of things she eats every day, and the schedule of when she purges. I hold my breath for a moment, something I've learned to do whilst living with her, and her intensely stubborn negative self-image. Because, half the time when she's judging herself as harshly as she does, the first thing I want to do is take a hairbrush to her behind, but I don't because I know due to our past experience that that isn't always the way to handle Ana, especially with this tricky disease of hers. I walk out of the bathroom with the objects in hand so I will be able to confront her when we get back to the hotel later.

When, I walk into the living room I see something flash out of the corner of my eye, and it takes me a moment to locate the object that has caught my attention. I walk over to the living room couch and kneel down and reach under it, to pull out a black journal with a silver pen slid into the metal bind holding it together. The silver pen was what had caught my eye. I knew I shouldn't…but Ana's life was in danger, and I was willing to go to extremes to protect her. I pull out the journal and open it to find that only the first three pages have been written on. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what I'm about to read,  
(**This is a repeat of the above journal entry.)**

_May 15__th__, 2012  
Dear Journal,_

_ I've been living with Christian out here for about three weeks. I used to write in a journal almost every day when I was teenager, but I stopped when my eating disorder had faded into my past… but more recently I've been feeling horrible for lying to Christian, and there was no one I could spill the guilt to that would keep my secret so I bought another journal. But, as true as that is, I don't regret doing what I'm doing to stay alive. Because…that's what I'm doing. I need how I eat to stay alive. Christian watches me carefully when I eat, but it's no longer a problem for me. I purge to cleanse my body of the offending food, and I keep a food journal. Although I much prefer skipping meals…I'm desperate, and this is enough. I also have joined a support group out in the city…well, kind of. Every other day, Taylor drives me out there, or I drive myself, but I don't attend the meetings._

_Once Christian and Taylor are out of sight, I change out of the clothes I go in and into my work out clothes. I run the four miles to the park nearby and follow the path into the woods where I am able to finish my work out with out others staring at me, then I run the four miles back to the facility in time to get picked up by Christian. I'm pretty close to a professional when it comes to avoiding the times when Christian plans to weigh me, that or I plant an extra pound or two on myself by having something in my pockets…and although I disagree with it completely…Some people would probably call it manipulation. I don't necessarily want to do it, but it's a need. It's becoming harder to avoid sleeping with Christian, however. He's patient and doesn't push anything of course. It's _me_ that wants _him. _But, if I were to give into what I want…it wouldn't take him more than a second to notice my weight-loss.  
I've lost 5lbs. I'm back to 97lbs, and dropping…_

_**Thank you, God.**__  
The only reason I know is because, over at the park there is a gym that I sneak into, and inside the bathroom they have weight scales. Christian seems satisfied with the amounts I am eating, and it always makes me sick to my stomach when I do…which is excuse enough for Christian to let me go into the bathrooms after meals…where I 'take care' of the problem.  
I haven't been spanked by Christian in about a week and a half, and I am elated at the fact that I am getting away with it…and I use that feeling to try to soothe the raging embarrassment I feel over 'pulling to wool over his eyes.' I have a shiver running up my spine right now as I think about how bad my punishment will be if Christian finds out about all of this. But, I cross my fingers and hope for the best.  
For now, though, I need to go, I have another 'group' to get too. _

_~ Ana_

My right hand is in a fist by the time I reach the end of the passage. I stand up and walk out the door, I call Taylor to tell him I'm taking the car, and he hastily agrees after a quick run-down of what's happening. I drive over to Ana's facility to see that there is only 20 more minutes until she is due back. I park the car where it is nearly unnoticeable and stand in wait until I see her running back up the path and into the facility.

I climb out of the car and lean against it until she comes back out, she smiles at me brightly, and climbs into the passengers' seat. If only she knew how much trouble she was in…

**Ana P.O.V**  
I run back to the facility with 20 minutes to spare and freshen up and change in time to get outside just on time. He's standing next to the car, and I'm shocked to see that he must have driven himself, and after a few seconds of observing him as I walk out, I see that something is wrong. I pretend not to notice so that I don't raise suspicions and smile at him before walking around to my side. He's silent as he climbs back in the car, and a strange feeling of foreboding swarms me as I realize that he's tense all over his body.  
I don't ask. I'm not sure if I want to know. We walk back into the hotel room and he shuts the door behind me,  
"Ana." He says stonily.  
I turn,  
"Christian…" I reply, hesitantly.  
He gestures to the kitchen counter and I freeze as I take-in the contents laying on the granite.  
_Oh God… _  
It's my journal, food diary, mints and mouthwash. I am so busted…  
I look back to him,  
"You read them." I reply, faking anger…his icy stare bores into me, and I swallow.  
"I did." He said, "Do you have anything to say?"  
My breath is coming quicker, and I become nervous knowing that I am in for one of the worst spankings of my life.  
"No." I say stubbornly.  
He takes my arm and pulls me toward the bedroom.  
"Sit." He said, gesturing to the bed. My legs feel like jelly, a familiar feeling when it comes to situations like this. I do as he says while also valuing the last few seconds of being able to sit down because I know it won't last. And, I don't want to make matters worse for myself. I watch nervously as he walks into the bathroom…  
~*~*~

(; Stay updated. The next update will come sooner than this one did, sorry about that.  
~*~*~


	6. Information

This'll be quick and painless (;

Okay, so... I for one, have to pat myself on the back. Why? Because...I _totally_ got you guys going. (PMs, reviews, and all.)

No. Christian is not going to spank her. I'm not that cruel. Well..in most aspects. (;  
But, I thought I'd give you guys that tad of information, because I was afraid that if I didn't, it could be costly for my inbox _and_ the amount of readers I have. So, there you go...  
Stay updated, and thanks for reading!

-RMNicki-


	7. And It Was Real

**_~*~*~  
Here's another chapter for you guys, sorry it took me so long, have six stories going right now. (I need to stop doing this to myself!)_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or any of it's character, but 'Taking Control' and it's writings are my property and my work and should not be used without my permission._**  
**_Hope you like!  
~*~*~_**

_Review of Last Chapter:_  
_"I did." He said, "Do you have anything to say?" My breath is coming quicker, and I become nervous knowing that I am in for one of the worst spankings of my life. "No." I say stubbornly. He takes my arm and pulls me toward the bedroom. "Sit." He said, gesturing to the bed. My legs feel like jelly, a familiar feeling when it comes to situations like this. I do as he says while also valuing the last few seconds of being able to sit down because I know it won't last. And, I don't want to make matters worse for myself. I watch nervously as he walks into the bathroom…_  
_~*~*~  
**Christian P.O.V**_

I left Ana sitting in the bedroom on our bed, as I walked into the bathroom. I ran my hands over my face, trying to think clearly. Ana was wasting away in front of me, and no matter what I did…it seemed I couldn't help her.  
Whenever I had begun to lose control in the past with a young woman like Ana...  
I spanked them.  
And depending on what they did rendered how hard the spanking was.  
And right now, I wanted to take a paddle to Ana's petite behind until she begged me to stop.  
And that thought…Thoughts like that used to give me a sexual thrill that was hard to control, but in this case…  
It almost made me sick to my stomach, because she was in so much pain, emotionally and most likely physically.  
I walked out the door, and took a deep breath, I was going to have to make this believable.  
She looked up at me,  
"Stay where you are and do _not_ move until I come back. If you do, I'll spank you with a paddle." I ordered in a chilling voice, and she nodded, her eyes wide. With fear? I didn't know.

I walked out of the room, content with my…act…I didn't even have a paddle.

I pulled out my phone, and called Carla,  
_Hello?  
_"Carla? It's Christian…"  
~*~*~

**_Ana P.O.V_**

The threat he made of taking a paddle to me, had me frozen in my spot.  
He walked out of our room, and I sat restlessly on the bed for what felt like hours, but when I looked up, it had only been 45 minutes. This was almost _worse _than being spanked!  
The door clicked open, and I jumped,  
"Christian…"  
My sentence broke off and I froze when 2 other men walked in behind him. I jumped up, and my back hit the wall.  
"Wh-who are they?" I asked, my eyes jumping back and forth between the two of them…because I had a pretty good idea. And I almost _wished_ that these were just two guys that he wanted me to sleep with.  
Christian's eyes were sorrow-filled, and he was pale.  
"I'm sorry Ana."  
The two, bigger, men stepped forward, and one took out his wallet, and spoke softly,  
"Miss Steele, I'm Michael, from The Healing Meadows Eating Disorder Facility, and we're going to need you to come with us."  
Fear lanced it's way through my heart,  
"No, no way."  
I ran towards the bathroom, but the one on the right caught me around my waist,  
I screamed, "NO!" I knew, that if I went with them, that all my hard work would go down the drain, that everything I had done would go to waste, and that _could not _happen.  
I screamed and thrashed in the man's arms,  
"Ana, Ana, _Stop._" Came Christian's voice, and although gentle, it was filled with authority, I calmed for a second,  
"Ana, they're here to help you. You need _help._" He said, his eyes were tear-filled, this was the first time I had seen him cry.  
Tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks,  
"You did this! You called them!" I cried, he nodded.  
Sobs worked their way through my body, I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt me. He had betrayed me!  
"I hate you! _I hate you!" _ I screamed, I saw intense pain cross his face and I almost felt regret, then he looked away from me, as I began to struggle again.  
"Michael…" The man, holding me said. Michael nodded, and stepped towards me, holding a syringe.  
"Whoa, whoa, what's that?" Christian asked.  
"It's a sedative, sir." Michael said.  
Christian nodded, and Michael walked towards me, I kicked at him and caught him in the chest, but it barely fazed him. Christian caught my ankles, and him and the other transporter worked me onto the bed and pinned me down.  
"NOOO!" I cried, as Michael pulled down my sweatpants. He cleaned a spot on my thigh, and pressed the needle through.  
"Nooo." I whimpered, my muscles relaxing against my will,  
"Christian…please…"

~*~*~  
**_Christian P.O.V_**

I helped the second in command transporter David, to pin Ana down on the bed while the other injected her with a syringe that would put her to sleep.  
Ana screamed, then slowly drifted into darkness,  
"Nooo…" She murmured as Michael righted her pants and then picked her up, she touched my arm as they went by…  
"Christian, please…" She murmured.  
"I'm sorry Ana." I whispered again, then watched as she went completely limp in those mans' arms. I wanted more than anything to go after them and take her back, but I knew that this was out of my control. There was nothing I could do to protect Ana now, she was in their hands.

I sat on the side of the bed, and buried my face in my hands, and for the first time in a long while, began to cry. I had pushed her to this. I knew it was my fault.  
_I_ was the reason that Ana was dying right in front of me. If it hadn't been for me, corrupting her and bringing her into my life, then she would be perfectly fine now and she'd still be a survivor of this damned disease that had once plagued her as a child.

I wondered idly what had caused it, what had caused her to fall victim to it. I knew that her mother had remarried countless times, and that because of that that her life had been unsteady and easily up-rooted. I suddenly felt a surge of anger at Carla. I wanted someone to blame, someone other than myself to pin this on. There had to be a reason for someone to fall into this. Someone had to be at fault.

I stood then, and walked around the room, packing up Ana and I's stuff.  
I knew I would need to get down there with her things, and I would have to find a different hotel, because there was no way in hell that I was going to be going back to Seattle with her in that place.  
The car ride seemed to take forever, and the only thing that kept me from speeding, was knowing that I wouldn't be able to see Ana for at least 3 days. Because, if her weight and health were unsatisfactory, she would be under a 72 hour hold until they could stabilize her body's needs a little better.

I closed my eyes and punched the steering-wheel.

I had told Taylor to go home, because I knew we would be here for a while and I knew his daughter was coming out to visit. I told him to take full-advantage of my home that I had vacated for the times being. It wasn't like anyone was using it anyways.  
I got to the facility after a few hours, and climbed out of the car. When I got there, I was met by a few other people and they took some of Ana's belongings so that she would be at least a little more comfortable.

I walked into the lobby and a doctor called my name. I walked over to him and he gave me a run-down of what they had found out so far,

"Miss Steele's blood pressure was very low when she came in, she was badly dehydrated, and she weighs about 92 lbs, which is very unhealthy for her height, which is 5'7. I'm afraid she _will_ be under 72 hour hold until we get some fluids and nutrients in her to stabilize her. We're going to keep her sedated and under control for 48 hours and then give her some time to get used to her surroundings."  
I nodded, unable to say anything, why had I let it get this far? I had fooled myself into thinking that I could help Ana. She really _did_ need professional help. I hadn't wanted to admit it to myself. Carla walked in about 20 minutes later.  
"What did you, speed?" She asked, a fake smile plastered on her face.  
_Yes._  
"Would you like me to go and get you anything?" I asked, ignoring her question. I could see that she had lost weight too. Not scarily like Ana had of course, but rather because of stress.

She shook her head, "That's alright."  
I gave her the information the doctor had given me and she thanked me before I walked out.  
I went to a nearby hotel and got Carla and her newest husband a hotel room, I knew Carla would want to be close to her daughter.  
I left an ATM card on the counter, and left a note,  
_Use it to get whatever you need. I have the money to support you until you would like to go home, trust me. _

I went back to the hospital and gave Carla the hotel room card, she told me I didn't have to and after I had reassured her, she said thank you and that she was grateful. Now, we both just had to find a way to distract until we were allowed to see Ana.  
And something told me it was going to be painfully long, I didn't even know if Ana would want to see me. Her earlier words pierced through me like a dagger,  
_I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.  
~*~*~_

**_Ana P.O.V_**  
I woke, feeling like it had only been about 5 minutes. I had had a horrible dream that Christian had had me sent to a facility.  
"Christian…" I moaned at the thought of him as my eyes slowly opened.

I was in a stark white room, I tried to move, and felt a tug at my arm.  
Things were slow and seemed blurry. I couldn't make sense of where I was. I tried to call Christian's name again, but there was no response.  
The tugging in my arm was an I.V, with a milky white liquid in it…and it was going into my body.  
_NO!_  
I yanked the heart rate thing off my finger before I grabbed at the I.V and yanked it out of my arm, drawing blood.  
The door across the room burst open, and suddenly there was a doctor and the familiar transporter, Michael, in the room.  
"Ana, Ana, we need you to relax." Michael said grabbing my arms,  
"LET ME GO!" I screamed. I kicked at the doctor, and he neatly dodged it, like he had practice. Wait, duh…

I felt another sharp sting, and saw that the doctor had maneuvered around me and given me another shot in my thigh, I gasped,  
"Don't do…"  
The I faded into the darkness, yet again.  
_God this was a nightmare. And it was _**real.**  
_**~*~*~**_

_**So…What did you guys think!?  
Rate/Review etc, and let me know! (:  
-RMNicki-  
~*~*~**_


	8. Rebecca

_**~*~*~  
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Fifty Shades Trilogy, but this writing is my work and should not be used without my permission. Thank you. Enjoy!  
~*~*~**_  
_Last Chapter Review:  
__"Ana, Ana, we need you to relax." Michael said grabbing my arms, "LET ME GO!" I screamed. I kicked at the doctor, and he neatly dodged it, like he had practice. Wait, duh…_

_I felt another sharp sting, and saw that the doctor had maneuvered around me and given me another shot in my thigh, I gasped, "Don't do…" The I faded into the darkness, yet again. __God this was a nightmare. And it was __real._

_~*~*~_  
I woke up 2 days later, feeling bloated and fat.  
Christian had betrayed me…  
I tried, as hard as I could to be angry with him. But it was like being split in half. The part of me that thrived on my eating disorder was on the verge of hating him, the other part hated _me,_ because I was the reason he was hurting and had been pushed to this limit. Either way, I hated where I was and I hated who I was. I was completely out of control here, and it was like a downwards spiral. I would have chosen getting my ass spanked by Christian over being in this hellhole, anyday.  
I could feel their eyes watching me. The doctors and nurses. We were required to eat 3 meals a day, and two snacks.  
Although, I skipped meals usually, I didn't just 'get away' with it. When I _did _skip meals… at night, one of the doctors would come and get me, and I'd get a shot in my behind that would supply my body with what they thought were vital nutrients and vitamins.

I just couldn't win.  
After meals, I wasn't allowed to use the restroom for an hour. Because, by then, those of us who purged wouldn't get more than 15% of what we'd eaten out of our systems.  
I cried myself to sleep at night, always. The only _good_ thing that came out of this place was that the girls that were here, were usually nice. Like my roommate.  
Her name was Rebecca, and she'd been here for about a month, I'd only been here a week, but sadly…she was no closer to leaving than I was. But, she was my best friend already. It had happened my second night here. I had been crying in my bed about 7 feet away from her, and without a question she had stood and walked over to me, crawling in beside me, and held me in her arms as I cried.

Tonight, I looked over to her and in the dim light, I could see her watching me,  
"Becca?" I whispered,  
"Yeah?" She murmured.  
"I meet with the therapist for the first time tomorrow."  
She sighed, "I know."  
I curled my legs to my chest,  
"What do I do?" I whispered.  
"What do you want from here, from this facility?" She asked.  
"To leave…" I replied, glumly.  
"Lie." She replied.  
I was shocked for a second, "Lie?"  
"Yeah." She replied, "I have been for a month."  
I nodded in the darkness, the idea was plausible and made sense,  
"How do you stay so thin?" I asked her, because she _was_. She was still tiny despite where we were living.  
"I have a few tricks."  
I jumped to attention, suddenly excited, "Like what?"  
I could practically feel her smile, "I'll show you tomorrow. Together, our work will be more efficient."  
I smiled in the darkness, "Goodnight Ana." She whispered.  
"Night." I replied, and for the first time since being here, I was eager for the next morning.  
~*~*~

I woke in the morning, and after my weekly physical, the therapist, "Dr. Moreno' called me in.  
He had me sit in front of him and at first he just read some papers in front of him that I figured were about me. He looked up at me and smiled gently,  
"You're doing well, Ana." He said.  
Tears filled my eyes, because I knew that that meant I had gained weight.  
"I would hardly call it that." I whispered.  
He ignored my comment,  
"Ana, what are your goals here?"  
I remembered Becca's advice from the night before,  
_Lie._  
I sighed, "To recover. I want to be healthy. I want my eating disorder gone. I want my mom and Christian happy."  
He paused, seemingly shocked, "That's impressive for a girl that just recently came. I'm proud of you."  
I nodded, it wasn't_ completely_ a lie, but I wasn't about to give up my only sense of control.  
"What is the reason behind your eating disorder do you think?"  
I looked at him innocently, "I don't know. That's why I'm here, right? To find out?"  
He nodded slowly, skeptically at my vague answer.  
"Now, we have to choose a name."  
I felt my eyebrows furrow in confusion, he smiled once more,  
_How can he smile in a place like this? Bastard. He must get off on seeing girls in pain. _  
I nearly choked at the irony as I thought of Christian. Of course the two pains I was speaking of were completely different. And, Christian was changing, for _me._  
"What I mean is, we need to come up with a name for that negative voice inside your head." Dr. Moreno said, interrupting my thoughts, "the voice that spurs your eating disorder. A lot of the girls first say 'Ana' for anorexia, and 'Mia' for Bulimia, but…we prefer they name the voice with a more personal name. What would you like yours to b-"  
"Steve." I interrupted, and was shocked by my answer. Where had that even come from?  
He cocked his head to one side, "Why is that name significant to you?" He asked.  
I shrugged, not knowing at all.  
"Alright." He said, and wrote it down in my papers.  
"You're free to go." He said, and stood, opening the door.  
I walked into the living room, where the other 9 girls were in 'group.'  
Rebecca looked up with a small glint in her eyes, and when I made sure no one could see, I smiled mischievously and winked.  
"Rebecca?" Dr. Moreno asked and she stood, and walking past me, she took my hand and gave it a squeeze.  
~*~*~

**Dr. Moreno**

After visiting with my other patients, I set up a session with Carla Steele, and Ana's boyfriend…_the_ Christian Grey.  
"Doctor Moreno?" My secretary asked, poking her head in my door, "You're 4:00 appointment is here."  
"Thank you Cadie, send them in, please."  
She nodded, Ana's family members walked in then, and I gestured to the seats in front of me.  
They both had circles under their eyes, which I understood completely. Most of the time, that's how the families of the girls looked when they first fell into my office.  
"How is she?" Mr. Grey asked.  
I smiled pleasantly in his direction,  
"Mr. Grey, My name is Dr. Michael Moreno, you must be and you must be Miss Steele. I am pleased to inform you that Ana is doing well. She has gained 2 lbs. since first coming here, and I am pleased with her attitude towards the facility and the nurses."  
Carla sagged in her seat, obviously relaxing slightly, Mr. Grey closed his eyes, and took a deep, ragged breath.  
"The first phase the girls go through involved naming the voice inside their head that haunts them, and usually this isn't the first thing that comes to my mind in these meetings, but her reaction to the question took me by surprise and I would like to discuss it with you."  
"What was the name?" Mr. Grey asked, there was fear in his eyes, and I knew that he was afraid that the voice was 'Christian.'  
"Steve." I said, the mother straightened up immediately, taking in a sharp breath, her eyes wide.  
"Miss Steele?" I asked, she looked up at me, her lips parted in a silent 'o.'  
"He's one of my ex husbands… He moved in when Ana was about 12."  
I nodded, having a pretty good idea now of when Ana's eating disorder had sprouted.  
"When did Ana's symptoms begin to first become noticeable?"  
"When she was 13." Carla rasped, and I nodded.  
I wrote down the information in Ana's file, and resumed with the questioning. I was shocked at the end when Mr. Grey asked for a moment alone with me.  
Miss Steele left, and Christian stayed in my office, his eyes downcast.  
"Mr. Grey?" I prompted.  
He sighed, seemingly tormented, then he just came out with it,  
"When I first met Ana, I gave her a proposition, for most of my life, I have practiced a BDSM lifestyle. She refused the contract, and it was a first for me to still date her and not have a formal contract signed. There's just something about her…I couldn't lose her."  
I swallowed, but didn't show emotion, "Have you ever hurt her before?" I asked.  
He closed his eyes, lines becoming prominent at the corners ,  
"I think our opinions on 'hurting her' are different." He said, "I've spanked her before. With my hand. But, once she asked me to let her experience how bad it could get and I used a belt. That was when she left me. We never really did practice a _strong_ BDSM relationship. It was more…of a _real_ relationship then I've ever had, and I've been working with a therapist myself…."  
I listened closely as he explained his and Ana's situation, and after hearing the full story I put his fears to rest by telling him that his control over Ana, had only a small part if any part in Ana's disorder.  
"I think…that something happened to her when she was younger that really begun the disorder. But, I think that she _does_ love you, and that when you and her broke apart after you spanked her that it brought up old feelings in her of loss, and fear of the future which gave her dormant disorder a fuel to feed on."  
He nodded slowly taking the information in,  
"We're going to take good care of her Mr. Grey." I said, quietly. He stood, and shook my hand, gratefully.  
"Thank you." He said.  
We walked out and met Ana's mother in the hallway she looked at me pleadingly,  
"When will be able to see her?" She practically whimpered.  
I sighed, "I would like to have a family session with her two days from now." I looked at my calendar, "Is three o'clock this Thursday alright?"  
They nodded, a new light in their eyes at the thought of seeing Ana.  
"Thank you, doctor." Carla said, then began her descent down the hallway.  
"Mr. Grey?" I asked, he turned.  
"You explained that you and Ana are secretive about your relationship…to keep you both comfortable in our hands, I would like to have separate sessions with just you and her."  
He nodded, then proceeded down the hallway.  
~*~*~

**Ana P.O.V  
**Rebecca walked out of her session with Dr. Moreno the next morning. She had an excited light to her eyes as she walked towards me. She leaned down as she walked to me, so the doctor couldn't hear.  
"Pretend to have a panic attack. Scream." She said. I looked up at her shocked, and she nodded. "Trust me."  
I _did_ trust her.  
So, I began to pace back and forth. The nurse looked up at me confused for a second, I gripped the sides of my head, and forced tears to roll down my cheeks, and I let a sob break through my body. I fell to my knees about 2 feet from Rebecca and Dr. Moreno, and began to hyperventilate.  
"Get a nurse out here!" Dr. Moreno ordered, it was then that I let out a piercing scream.  
Rebecca pretended to jump back in surprise, and ran into doctor Moreno, knocking his files to the ground as well as splattering him with his coffee.  
Nurses ran out,  
"I-I'm so sorry…" Becca stammered, bending down and helping the doctor to pick up his files, she looked up at me, pretending to be shocked and afraid. The nurse behind me, grabbed me around my waist, and held me still as I struggled. I struck out at her, and a male one grabbed me from behind, taking her place.  
I screamed again, and kicked. I felt the familiar sting of a needle in my thigh, and slowly things began to fade,  
"It's a panic attack," The doctor said, looking at me in concern, "It might be a resurfacing memory."  
The attention had been drawn away from Rebecca, and the doctor walked towards me as I slowly calmed against my will in the nurse's restraining arms.  
"What's going on, Ana?" He asked,  
I turned away from him, and let more tears roll down my cheeks as things started to fade, he sighed.  
"Let me talk to her when she wakes up." He said, and the last thing I saw was Rebecca, behind him shoving a small group of folded papers into the front waistband of her jeans, and pulling her loose T-shirt down over them…  
What she had planned…had obviously worked.  
_**~*~*~**_

_**Oooooooooh. (; Cliffie! Hope you enjoyed this chapter guys! Rate/Review, please! It's much appreciated!  
~*~*~**_


	9. Not as Dumb As They Thought

**~*~*~  
Disclaimer: **

**I do not own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or any of it's characters, but this is my writing and my ideas and they should not be used without my permission, thank you! **

**-RMNicki-**

_~*~*~  
Review of Last Chapter:  
The attention had been drawn away from Rebecca, and the doctor walked towards me as I slowly calmed against my will in the nurse's restraining arms. "What's going on, Ana?" He asked, I turned away from him, and let more tears roll down my cheeks as things started to fade, he sighed. "Let me talk to her when she wakes up." He said, and the last thing I saw was Rebecca, behind him shoving a small group of folded papers into the front waistband of her jeans, and pulling her loose T-shirt down over them… What she had planned…had obviously worked.  
~*~*~_

Ana P.O.V  
When I woke yet again from that strangely peaceful darkness induced by drugs, I was in Rebecca and I's room which kind of shocked me. I'd figured I would be in the same hospital-like room I had been in when they'd first brought me in. I jumped when I looked to the side, and saw the doctor walking in. I rubbed sleep from my eyes, and looked up at him, studying his face, hoping that Rebecca hadn't been caught in our little act.

But his gaze seemed perfectly neutral,  
I swallowed, my throat dry and sat up propping myself against the headboard.  
I had to brace myself for a second, and clear my vision as things spun for a second.  
The doctor handed me an Ensure, and I made a face at it.  
"Drink it Ana. You haven't drank or ate anything in the past few hours."

I popped the top, and hoped to God that whatever Becca had planned out would work because with each sip or each bite of anything that held any nutritional substance I was feeling more and more miserable.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.  
"I'm fine." I whispered.  
"What was that all about?" He asked, referring to my passing out.  
I thought frantically for a second for an excuse but found nothing, so settled lamely for,  
"I don't know...I'm kind of confused, really."  
"That's understandable." He replied his eyes showed a slight disappointment. Maybe at the fact that I ahdn't actually experienced a resurfacing memory, maybe?  
"You're welcome to get dressed and come out with the girls, or you can stay in here for awhile."  
"I don't want to stay in bed." I whispered, and he nodded, and backed up to allow me to stand. I noticed that I was in the scrubs that the hospital gave to patients when they first showed up.  
"I'll leave you to change, but Martha will be right outside the door if you need anything, alright?" He asked, placing his hand on my shoulder.  
I nodded, and he walked out.  
I rummaged through my drawers, and pulled out a pair of my favorite grey sweatpants and a black v-neck before walking out and meeting Martha to walk back to the main room where the girls were sitting in group.

I hated group. I suddenly wished I had decided to stay in bed a little longer.  
I sat down cautiously as eyes turned towards me and Mariana's 'time' ended.  
Rebecca looked at me encouragingly a mischievous glint to her eyes. She gave me a small nod, and I smiled, maybe a little too brightly.  
Group passed by…too slowly like usual and although I was the spotlight, I responded with what they wanted to hear. I wouldn't be able to get away with it much longer though when they really begun to get to me, and I knew that. But, for now I would soak it up.

About 2 hours later, and Dr. Moreno came to get me,  
"Ana?" I looked up,  
"Yes?"  
"You have a family session."  
I groaned inwardly in anticipation of seeing the two people I still felt betrayed me but still loved at the exact same time.  
I followed him out of the room,  
"Good Luck, Ana!" Came Rebecca's voice behind me and I gave her a small smile.  
I walked with Dr. Moreno into a room I hadn't been in before, and took a vacant seat across from Christian and my mom, refusing to meet their eyes. There had been other chairs closer to them, but I couldn't get myself to sit any closer, not only because I was nervous that they were angry, but also because I felt…  
Guilt.  
No one knew of Rebecca and I's plot, for some reason I still felt damn guilty and it made me want to cry.  
_It'll be worth it. It'll be worth it. It'll be worth it._ I chanted to myself, before finally looking up. Christian's gaze had been burning a hole through me, and I met his eyes first. I swallowed when I saw that there was no anger or hatred, but rather genuine care and sorrow. I wondered idly if it was a bad thing that I had decided to look at him rather than my mom first.

"Alright, Ana, this is your first family session, and I'll warn all three of you in advance, the first family session tends to be a little rough, but they _are_ necessary." Dr. Moreno said, shaking me from my thoughts.  
I nodded, as his spiel continued on, as I barely listened to whatever the hell he was saying.  
He talked to Carla and Christian for about 10 minutes about my progress, and I didn't fail to notice that he didn't mention how much weight I'd gained or how much I had been eating, but rather he hovered over safer subjects like my emotional and mental stability.  
Then he turned to me,  
"Alright Ana, next I would like you to tell me as well as Christian and your mother what happened yesterday."  
What did he mean tell him? Didn't he already know? He _was _there.  
There was something in his eyes that I didn't understand though,  
"What do you mean?" I whispered. "You mean the panic attack thing?"  
"Of sorts." Dr. Moreno said, "But I want you to tell us _why_ you and our other patient –who's name can not be mentioned- thought that it would be a good idea to set up a distraction so that she could steal some of the papers that she 'accidentally' knocked out of my hands."  
I froze, _Fuck._  
Suddenly, my throat was dry again,  
"H-how-" I whispered.  
"Ana there are cameras all over this facility, and not only that, but how did you think I wouldn't notice papers missing from the files?"  
I risked a glance at Christian and Carla, Christian's gaze was stricken with pain, and a little anger. Carla had tears rolling down her cheeks.  
"I-I'm sorry…" I whispered.  
"We understand better than anyone, Ana, that temptation can be hard, especially in a place like this when it is presented. The other patient that helped you out with this…Have you not noticed that she is just as far from leaving as you are?"  
I nodded slowly, that had been one of the first things I'd known about Rebecca.  
"Don't you think she would be out of here by now, if she was as good at her game as you and her thought?"

I paused…  
_Duh, Ana.  
Because….if Rebecca was as deceitful as I believed her to be, she would have fibbed her way through this facility by now._  
"I just want out of here." I whispered.  
"And the way to do that is to _try_ to get out. Not lie to me, and skirt around talking in groups. You have to want to leave here enough to do the work to get there." His voice was stern and almost reprimanding.  
I nodded in dawning understanding and pulled my legs up to my chest as tears filled my eyes,  
"I'm sorry." I began to cry, sobs breaking their way through my body.  
I heard a quiet exchange as I buried my face in my legs. I heard footsteps beside me and recognized my mother's presence as she put her hand on my shoulder for a moment,  
"Everyhting's going to be okay." She whispered, "I love you Annie."  
"I love you too, Mom." I whispered into the fabric of my jeans, she then continued to walk out.  
Things were silent once more and I was slightly disappointed that Christian hadn't said goodbye when he walked out.  
I felt two very familiar hands wrap around my ankles, and I gasped as Christian pulled them away from my body. Whoa…I thought he'd left.  
I didn't bother fighting him, I felt Dr. Moreno's gaze on us, as Christian took my hands from where he was kneeling on the ground.  
He kissed the top of my hand, and more tears streamed down,  
"I'm so sorry." I hiccupped, my feelings of betrayal towards him dissipating.  
"Ssshhh." He said, more gentle than I had ever known him to be,  
"I know you are." His thumb rubbed soothing circles into the tops of my hands.  
"Listen to me, Ana." He said gently, but there was no mistaking the authoritative tone to his voice. I met his eyes,  
"I love you Anastasia Rose Steele. I've never said it, but I mean it. Those words terrify me but these last few days have been enough to push me to my limits, and I. Love. You."  
My stomach jumped to my throat, and I fell forward, he caught me in his arms, and I felt his lip against my head.  
"I'm not giving up on you, baby. I promise you that much."  
"Is this a dream?" I rasped, half serious.  
He smiled, "No. It's real."  
I laughed through my tears and threw my arms around Christian, he gripped me around my waist, and rocked me for a few seconds,  
"Dr. Moreno wants to talk to us." He said gently in my ear, and I leaned back. Christian helped me back into my chair, and sat beside me so that we were facing Dr. Moreno once more.

Dr. Moreno smiled,  
"I'd like to talk to you about the light BDSM relationship the two of you practice." He said, I froze,  
_What? _I looked towards Christian and he nodded,  
"I talked to him a couple days ago…" Christian said.  
"But the NDA-"  
"Is void. Your health comes first."  
A new knot of nauseating happiness fisted in my stomach.  
"So, Ana, the other day when Mr. Grey talked to me, he said that in your relationship you _did _practice light BDSM when you refused to become a submissive?"  
I nodded cautiously,  
"Has he ever punished you before?" Dr. Moreno asked, and I hesitated in answering. Christian gave me a small encouraging nod, and I tentatively answered,  
"Yes…"  
"How so?" Dr. Moreno asked.  
I looked to Christian again, and he looked back at me intently, I groaned, and blushed furiously,  
"I got spanked."  
Dr. Moreno nodded, "Okay, how?"  
"What do you mean how?" I squeaked.  
"I mean how. Did he use something? How did he position you?"  
I froze, "You're making this degrading." I accused, figuring that he didn't approve of the relationship.  
"That's not my point in the least." He replied lightly. "What I want you to do is face what happens in your relationship by telling me what happens. So how?"  
I blushed once more, "Screw you." I whispered, hopin to avoid the question.  
"Ana." Christian rebuked softly, shocked.  
"Why do I have to answer that?" I whined like a petulant child.  
"Because I trust this doctor, he's one of the best in the country and I trust him to ask the questions and do what's best for you."  
Dr. Moreno was silent for a few seconds,  
"So, Ana…?"  
I groaned, and buried my face in my hands, not believing this was happening,  
"He puts me across his knee."  
"Does he use any implements?"  
"No."  
"Just his hand."  
"Yes." I whispered.  
"With or without your clothing?"  
"Usually without." I whispered.  
"So you're saying, when you're in trouble, he restrains you across his knee and strikes your bare bottom with his hand?"  
I blanched, embarrassed, "Stop."  
The doctor nodded, "Alright. I think we'll end there for today." He said.  
He stood and turned, and my eye brows gathered in absolute confusion,  
_What the fuck was that all about_? The conversation seemed to have no relevance to my eating disorder, but rather remained around how Christian would punish me. What did that even have to do anything, and why did he need to know those things? My mind was reeling…  
I stood, reluctantly, not wanting to lose Christian's presence.  
He waited till the doctor's back was turned, then gave me a small peck on the lips.  
"You're going to be okay." He reassured me.

**Christian P.O.V  
**The doctor called a nurse over to lead Ana back to the other girls after she said goodbye to her mother. Dr. Moreno first talked to a distraught Carla about what his plans for Ana were and I listened in, then afterwards I asked to talk to him once more. Still confused as to why he had asked Ana the questions he did.  
"What…were those questions for?" I asked.  
Dr. Moreno nodded, seeming to have expected the question,  
"I want to see how the thought of punishment –which I'm sure will stick with her- will effect her behavior and her eating throughout the day."

I felt my body tense, there was no way in hell this doctor was thinking that he would lay a hand on my Ana.  
He seemed to read into my thoughts,  
"I would never touch Ana in that way, but I do want to see if it has any negative or positive effect in her patterns."  
I ran my hands over my face, this was all so damn confusing. But, I nodded,  
"Get some rest Mr. Grey." Dr. Moreno said, "It's just as important for you to have a clear mind for this as it is for her to be willing to recover."  
I nodded, "Thank you, doctor."_****_

So? What did you guys think? Let me know! Don't flame, please.  
Rate/Reviews are greatly appreciated! They make me feel obligated to update quicker!  
~*~*~


	10. Explanation

Hey guys, so…I just needed to let you know, that right now I have some family issues going on, and that's why my new updates are coming in slowly. I promise though that I haven't given up my stories and I plan on finishing them. Again, I promise I'll update, I just hope you can be a little patient with me. It won't be long, I just wanted to explain the wait. I'm so sorry for any inconvenience, but stay updated, I'm still kicking (; Thank you for reading.  
-Nicki  
~*~*~


	11. Get Your Hands Off Me

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fifty Shades of Grey or any of it's characters, but this **_**is **_**my writing and should not be used without my permission. Thank you!  
-RMNicki-**

Review of Last Chapter:

_**Christian P.O.V**__  
I felt my body tense, there was no way in hell this doctor was thinking that he would lay a hand on my Ana. He seemed to read into my thoughts, "I would never touch Ana in that way, but I do want to see if it has any negative or positive effect in her patterns." I ran my hands over my face, this was all so damn confusing. But, I nodded, "Get some rest Mr. Grey." Dr. Moreno said, "It's just as important for you to have a clear mind for this as it is for her to be willing to recover." I nodded, "Thank you, doctor."  
~*~*~_

**Ana P.O.V **

I couldn't get the question out of my head…  
_Why did Dr. Moreno ask all those humiliating questions? _  
I mean…Yeah, Christian spanked me, and I could easily admit that to myself. I even sometimes was able to recognize that I….deserved it.  
"Ana." I jumped slightly, and looked up to one of the nurse's who was looking at me. "Are you alright?" He asked.  
"Yeah." I choked, then cleared my throat.  
"Can you try to eat something, please?"  
I sighed, feeling sick to my stomach,  
"Can I just have one of the Ensure?"  
The nurse seemed shocked, most likely expecting a fight, but nodded.  
I cleared my plate, and sat back down feeling dejected.

The nurse set one of the dreaded drinks in front of me, but I didn't fight it, and instead took a few sips. My lips tingled as I thought of the small peck on the lips Christian had given me earlier that day….tears filled my eyes.  
_I miss him._  
I heard a quiet conversation and looked up, my behavior must have alarmed the nurse, because he was on the phone now, talking to who I presumed was Dr. Moreno.

"Ana, will you come with me for a moment?" The nurse asked, hanging up the phone. I looked up at him confused and he nodded his head towards the door.  
I stood and followed him,  
"Where are we going?" I whispered.  
"Dr. Moreno asked me to bring you to his office. He wants to see you."

I was a little confused, usually girls only got one session a day because he didn't want us becoming dependent on him. But, I didn't fight it and instead walked into the office when the nurse opened it.  
The door shut behind me with a resounding click and a strange feeling of unexplainable dread set over me.  
Dr. Moreno stood and leaned against his office desk,  
"What's going on, Ana?" He asked, "The nurse said something upset you?"

I shook my head, "I'm fine."  
"Let me help you Ana," He said, stepping forward and taking my chin in his hand.  
I tried to take a step back and his grip tightened.  
"I-I just miss Christian." I whispered, suddenly a little nervous.  
"He isn't good for you Ana."  
I stilled, "What are you talking about?" I asked, suddenly becoming defensive.  
"You two aren't compatible. He isn't good for you. And personally, I think he's what drove you to your eating disorder."  
_What the hell?_  
"You're in no place to say that." I said in a cold voice.  
"Actually I am. I'm your doctor."  
"I don't give a damn." I replied, feeling the confident, stubborn edge of my personality come into play once more. I could only take so much, but when people started to hurt my family or the people I loved…

"Get your damn hands off of me." I said, shoving his hand away. He grabbed my hands and pinned them on either side of my head.  
"This is sexual harassment." I said.  
He moved my hands to above my head and pinned them there with one of his, then ran the thumb of his free hand over my face, until he reached my lips.  
"Is this what you do?" I asked, breathlessly as I tried to struggle away from him.  
"What are you talking about?" He asked.  
"You work here. Because, girls here are weak, physically and emotionally. That way, you can take advantage of them, and when they come after you, you say that they're having an episode or something. You're a bastard."

His eyes darkened, and I knew I had guess correctly.  
"Let me go."  
He smiled, a smile that made my skin creep,  
"You think it's that easy don't you?" He snarled, his grip tightened, painfully, and his hand moved down to cup my breast and pinch my nipple through my shirt and bra.  
So…I did what any respectable woman would do…and spit in his face.  
He let out a disgusted sound of shock and his strength ebbed as he moved to wipe at his face. I took that precious opportunity and kneed him in the groin.  
He let out a startled yell, and went to the ground, I ran for the door, and felt a hand wrap around my ankle, and I screamed as I went down, hitting my head on the corner of his desk. Then, everything went dark.  
~*~*~

**Ana**  
When I woke, I was in a small room, laying on one of the wanna-be examination tables. I sat up, my head was throbbing painfully, and suddenly froze. I was in one of the solitary confinement cells that were used for girls that were a danger to themselves or others. There was no furniture besides the bed, and no windows or other people. I was alone.  
_No…no way._  
Tears slipped down my cheeks, what had happened?  
I looked down to my wrists, which were aching and saw hand marks, and it all came back.  
Dr. Moreno had cornered and attacked me in his office.  
I debated whether or not to scream until they came to me and tell them what had happened but I knew…it was his authority over my powerlessness.

I didn't have a second more to finish my thought as the door opened, causing me to jump.  
I was shocked to see Christian's sad face.  
"Christian?" I whispered.  
His grey eyes met mine.  
"You have five minutes." The nurse said, "We'll be able to see everything." He gestured to a camera.

Christian nodded solemnly, and the nurse walked out.

"W-what's going on?" I whispered.  
He walked forward, and took my hands in his.  
"You attacked the doctor, Ana. He said there was a good chance you wouldn't remember because you experienced a psychotic break… then afterwards, you fell and hit your head."  
"_What?" _ I gasped. "No Christian…please…_please _tell me you don't believe that."  
He looked at me in confusion,  
"Ana…"  
"Christian, please you know as well as I do that I wouldn't attack a person. I have an eating disorder, I'm not homicidal! That doctor attacked _me!"  
_Christian had become still, sorrow in his eyes,  
"Ana…he's been a doctor for 10 years, maybe you just-"  
"Broke down? Reached my limit? I didn't Christian, please! You have to believe me!"  
He sighed, "Alright. Tell me what happened."  
I stilled, shocked that he was actually going to listen.  
"You're actually going to listen?"  
He seemed shocked, "Of course. I may trust that doctor, but I love you, and you'll always come first."  
Tears came to my eyes, and I walked towards him. He opened his arms and he enfolded me, close to him.  
"Talk to me, Ana."  
I smiled sadly, and took a step back, meeting his eyes.  
"I was upset last night, and one of the nurse's called Dr. Moreno and he sent for me to be brought back to his office. When I was there…he put me against the wall, and touched me…" My voice shook and I took refuge in his arms once more, and he didn't question it.  
"Ana, are you sure?" He whispered, and I heard the barely contained anger behind his tone.  
I nodded, "Please, Christian…do you trust me?"  
He pulled me away from him, "Absolutely." He said softly.  
I smiled, "I have proof." I whispered, his eyes widened,  
"What?"  
"It's not much."  
"Tell me." He ordered quietly.  
I nodded, smiling slightly at the tone to his voice that had become so familiar to me over the weeks. I always managed to push his buttons.  
I pulled the sleeve of my shirt up, and held my wrist out to him.  
He took it in gentle fingers and ran his finger-tips over the dark bruises,  
"Son of a bitch." He growled, "I'll kill him. Give me your other wrist."  
"Christian I'm f-"  
"Give me your other wrist." He repeated in that disciplinarian voice.  
I sighed, and handed it to him, and he pulled the sleeve back to reveal nearly identical marks.  
A growl sounded, deep in his throat, and he began to move towards the door,  
"No!" I cried, "Don't leave me."  
He sighed, but didn't take another step towards the door, and instead, came back to me.  
He pulled me into his arms once more.  
"How did you even get them to let you in here?" I asked, skeptically.  
I felt him chuckle, "Money can do many things, Anastasia."  
I leaned back, "You _bribed_ them?"  
He nodded seriously, "Yes. I would do many things for you."  
I laughed, and leaned back into him, after about 2 more minutes, he kissed my head,  
"Let me go take care of this, Ana."  
I pouted, and he leaned down, his lips close to my ear,  
"Don't pout, only children pout, and children get punished."  
The breath left my body as he took my moment of shock and pressed his lips to mine. I kissed him back eagerly and he chuckled, and kissed the tip of my nose. After, he smiled knowing _exactly_ the toll he had just taken on my body. Because that one sentence was more of a tease than it was a threat.

He walked out the door then, and I was left alone in the small room.  
When they brought me my first meal, I looked at it, sorrow soaking into my veins, but I reached forward and picked up the apple pieces, knowing that right this second…Christian was fighting with the hospital about my release, I'd heard about it through a female nurse that came in here and took care of me every once in a while.

When she'd been talking, she didn't know that the 'man' out there arguing for the release of his girlfriend, was _Christian_ and his girlfriend was _me._  
I smiled at the thought, and began to eat more, knowing that if Christian was willing to put in effort to protect me like this, then I had to return the favor by at least _trying _to get better. Part of me wanted to get better anyways, and although it was hard to depend on, I knew I needed it. I used all the strength I had to focus on that small piece of me until it began to blossom in my chest, and before I knew it…I had finished the meal in front of me.  
I pulled my legs to my chest, and waited out the internal battle I felt brewing inside of me between 'Steve' and my inner strength.  
After a few minutes I felt 'Steve' begin to ebb, and I sighed, in relief as my inner torment went with him.

Speaking of 'Steve',…  
_I still want to know why I chose that name._ I thought idly.

I sighed, and leaned my head against the wall, feeling bloated, as I did a lot after eating. But it was slowly becoming less annoying.

Slowly my thoughts became muddled, and my limbs became exhausted as my body worked to digest the food I had starved myself of for the last couple days since the incident with Rebecca.  
_Oh Rebecca…_   
I thought of her and how miserable I knew she had to be. She'd lost her parents at 9 years old, her older brother Thomas had dropped her here one afternoon and hadn't returned. She was alone. I wasn't, and I had taken advantage of my luck. And, I decided then –probably against my better judgment- that I was going to help her.  
I had to.  
~*~*~

**Hope you guys enjoyed that chapter! Stay updated, and I'm sorry that updated take so long. I'm having some family drama like I said in my last 'chapter' but thank you so much for sticking with me and reading! Rates and reviews are greatly appreciated from those of you that are willing to post them(:  
~*~*~**


	12. Yes

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fifty Shades of Grey or any of its characters, but this **_**is**_** my writing, and should not be used without my permission. Thank you for reading!**

_~*~*~  
Review Of Last Chapter:  
__I sighed, and leaned my head against the wall, feeling bloated, as I did a lot after eating. But it was slowly becoming less annoying._

_Slowly my thoughts became muddled, and my limbs became exhausted as my body worked to digest the food I had starved myself of for the last couple days since the incident with Rebecca.  
__Oh Rebecca…__  
I thought of her and how miserable I knew she had to be. She'd lost her parents at 9 years old, her older brother Thomas had dropped her here one afternoon and hadn't returned. She was alone. I wasn't, and I had taken advantage of my luck. And, I decided then –probably against my better judgment-_ that I was going to help her. I had to.  
~*~*~

When I woke, I had to think about it for a minute or so before I realized that being in Christian's arms, _wasn't_ a dream, but in fact was very real.

I turned in his arms, and sucked in a small breath when I saw that his eyes were open, and he was looking at me. It was then, of course, that I noticed that I was only in a bra and panties. My cheeks burned and I looked away first,  
"Hey…" He said, gently, tipping my chin back up with his fingers.  
"What's wrong?"  
"We're…almost naked." I whispered, he seemed bemused for a second…and I kind of was too, because Christian probably knew my body better than _I_ did. "I'm just embarrassed."  
"Why?" He asked.  
Something demeaning came to my lips first, but I squashed it and simply replied,  
"I don't know."  
He seemed to search my eyes for a few seconds, then moved upwards so that he was propped against the headboard. I looked up at him, and he grabbed me around my waist, and I let out a shocked yelp as he pulled me up so that I was sitting in front of him.

"Don't lie to me, Ana." He said, his gaze never leaving mine.  
I looked down, saying the words out loud was 10x harder than saying them to myself.  
"You don't want to hear what I was going to say." I whispered.  
He tipped my chin back up,  
"I do. It won't be true, but I want to hear it, anyways. Then, we're going to talk through it."  
My eyes widened, but I'd take this over a hospital any day, I took a deep breath,  
"Okay…I-"  
I paused, how was I supposed to do this!? I could easily berate myself silently, and in my own head with the cruelest of things, but saying them out loud just…was damn near impossible.  
"I-I can't." I whispered, as tears filled my eyes.  
He leaned in, so that his lips were daringly close to mine,  
"You can, and you will. Trust me, let me help you."  
I sucked in a sharp breath, and small sob broke through,  
"B-because, I'm fat, and ugly…on good days."  
He'd tensed but didn't look outraged the way I'd expected. Instead, he wrapped his arms around my waist, and pulled me up and into his arms, so that my head was cradled on his shoulder.  
"You. Are none of those things." He murmured, "You don't believe me right now, but one day you will, Anastasia Rose Steele. Even if it's the _last_ thing I do."  
That shocked me too, I took in a small, nervous breath,  
"Why do you care so much?" I whispered.  
He stumbled for a second, "What do you mean?"  
"Why don't you just let me go? It would make your life a lot easier…"  
"If 'easy' meant miserable and lonely, then yes." He tightened his arm around me.  
I smiled and kissed his neck, "I love you." I whispered, before I could stop myself. My eyes widened…_Oh God. What did I just do!? He's probably going to toss me to the street, right now!  
_My heart skipped yet another beat when he whispered back,  
"I love you too."  
I nearly jumped him right there, I wanted him_ now._ But, before I could, he was standing, leaving me alone on the bed.  
I pouted at him, and he smirked,  
"You have to earn_ that_. And what did I saw about pouting?" He asked, cocking his head to one side, giving me a mock-stern glance, "We might just have to do something about that."  
My lips parted in a silent 'o', as he pulled on jeans.  
"What did you mean…that I have to earn it?" I squeaked.  
"I _mean_ that there will be _no_ _sex_ until you gain 3lbs, and _keep_ it on, willingly for 3 more days."  
I frowned at him,  
"That is _completely_ unfair."  
"Is it? Because, no sex for you, means no sex for me…We'll both be missing out." He said, winking at me.  
I groaned, and fell to my side on the bed, I heard him chuckle, then he grabbed my ankles, and pulled me towards him, pulling me up from the bed.  
"May the best of us win."  
"Well, then I've already won." I replied, with a cheeky smile. He walked past me, giving me a swat on the way,  
"Oh, just get dressed, so we can eat." He said, leaving me giggling in the bedroom.

**A month and a half later…**

We'd gone back to Escala, 2 weeks after Christian had taken me from the hospital. Dr. Moreno had gone to jail…many more girls had stepped forward after I'd testified, saying that he'd done similar to them. He would be away for a while.  
Good.  
I'd remembered Rebecca, not more than 2 days after being free. Christian had gone as far as to have background checks and the whole shabang done on her, and in the end…A small family that had been close to her when she was younger had stepped forward and practically begged her to stay with them.  
Her tears had made me cry. She wasn't used to being wanted or having a place to belong.  
She'd hugged me and held on tighter than I would have thought possible before saying how happy she was. She said we would keep in touch, and update each other on our progress as it went on. Watching her walk away with a new family had done nothing to stop the tears, rolling down my cheeks.

Since then, we've been writing back and forth and once in a while, talking on the phone. She'd relapsed once, and the hospital she was in had had to cut off her communication services for a week, but other than that she'd been doing well.  
As for me…I'd gained 10lbs...It had absolutely been a rocky path. I'd lost weight, gained a little, lost more, been caught hiding food…Christian had even spanked me once for lying to him about what I _had_ eaten in a day.  
I didn't try and lie again.

I'd cried to Christian on multiple occasions. One, that I most likely would never forget being, when he'd pulled me into the bathroom with him, then stood me in front of the mirror with him behind me, holding my wrists at my sides. I remembered the event perfectly.  
"Tell me what you see." He'd said, pinning me where I was.  
"Please don't do this…" I'd whispered.  
"I'm doing it." He replied, "I'm right here, Ana…Please, talk to me."  
I'd ended up getting some of the words out, but when my crying got too much in the way, he'd taken me back to the bed and simply held me, while whispering soft things in my ear.  
Later that evening, he'd sat down with me at the table, handed me a paper and pencil and asked me to keep going.  
For the first time ever, _I'd_ wanted to hit _him_.  
I'd not been able to hold still a bit when he's read it afterwards, then he'd lead me over to the couch, and sat down with me, holding my hands. Then, one by one, he's gone through the list, read them out loud then had objected or told me what he thought of whatever part of me I had beaten down.

Then, there was the night, that I truly found out _why _Ihad named my inner voice 'Steve.' It had been a horrible nightmare…or memory, whatever, but I still remembered every second of it…

~*~*~  
**Ana when she was a child…**

I sat downstairs, watching a movie at about 11pm. Carla and Steve had gone upstairs to sleep. I jumped nearly half a foot in the air, when suddenly there was a voice near me, distracting from the scary movie in front of me.  
"Ana."

I nearly screamed then recognized that it was Steve. My stomach dropped. I always knew when he came to see me at night, that it wasn't to say hi.  
It was usually excruciatingly more painful that that.  
"You scared the hell out of me." I whispered.  
He tsked at me, "We've had this discussion before. You _do not_ use that language. You know what happens. But, apparently we'll have to repeat that lesson."  
I back crawled across the sofa, "No! Steve, Please!" I begged as he walked towards me, undoing his belt.  
"MOM!" I screamed,  
He grinned, "Your mother won't be waking up any time soon. We have time."  
_She's dead…_  
Tears filled my eyes, "What did you do to her!?"  
"She'll be fine." He snarled, then brought his belt down across my body, catching my cheek with it, causing me to let out a startled cry. He brought it down 10 times more, before doing the inevitable…and raping me, again.  
The pain was immense, and I was screaming into his meaty hand, and sobbing, but he was relentless. And by the end, I was bleeding, and too exhausted and agonized to move.  
~*~*~

The dream had been so vivid, that I'd been thrashing and when Christian woke me, I'd screamed.  
He'd set an emergency appointment up for me with Dr. Flynn the next morning and held me while I cried for the rest of the night, keeping a very watchful eye on my behavior, and my reactions.

Not once. Not once had Christian threatened or talked about leaving me.  
_Yet._  
I flinched, and Christian's arm tightened around me, shaking me from my thoughts, he paused the movie, and looked at me,  
"What is it?"  
"Nothing, it's nothing."  
"Funny how all of our conversations start out like this." He said, "Tell me what's wrong."  
I sighed, he'd pretty damn close to hearing all of it, practically reading my mind whenever something jumped to the front of my thoughts.  
"I was just going over everything that happened this month, and then…then, Steve…" I blushed furiously red, at calling the voice by 'his' name.  
"Steve…" He prompted.  
"I was thinking how amazing you've been and how you've stuck by my side and not left me…and he said…'yet.'"  
Christian wrapped his arms beneath and around me, pulling me into his lap once more, then pressed his lips to my ear,  
"Shut the fuck up, Steve."  
I dissolved into a fit of giggles, and he kissed me and pulled me tighter to his body.  
More days went on, more months, soon a year. I relapsed once, nearly twice, but Christian was always there. And by the end of that year, I was nearly of average size, and was eating complete meals and was talking –willingly, might I add- in an anorexics' support group.  
And, when I first became pregnant, I'd been beyond horrified…scared, that I couldn't support the baby with my eating disorder.  
When Christian found out, he didn't yell, or get angry. He smiled. He actually _smiled, _and told me how well I'd been doing and how proud of me he was.  
It was hard…when my belly swelled. But, when I first heard our baby's heartbeat, I vowed to myself and to Christian that never again when I recovered, would my eating disorder or 'Steve,' hurt us, and that I was going to do absolutely everything in my power to heal and to be a good mother, and a better girlfriend.  
Well…minus the girlfriend part, because that night after dinner, he'd dropped to one knee and after showering me with compliments had asked me to marry him.  
And not even skipping a beat, I had said…  
_Yes. _

**The End.**  
_**~*~*~**_

_**What did you guys think? (: Please review and let me know, I hope you liked! I most likely will be putting more stories up for the Fifty Shades Trilogy because you guys really seemed to like this one, and I enjoyed writing it, so…Stay Updated!  
~*~*~**_


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